Lawyer, writer and policy analyst, Douglas Ogbankwa Esq., has offered a humorous and satirical take on the experience of dating or being married to a Nigerian man, describing it as one of the “one thousand ways to die.”
In a piece titled “Being a Spouse to a Nigerian Man; One of the One Thousand Ways to Die,” Ogbankwa combines humour, cultural observations and social commentary to explore the personality, romantic habits and expectations often associated with Nigerian men.
According to him, if God created man in the Garden of Eden, the Nigerian man could be described as a unique “hybrid” version, possessing a personality that is often boisterous, flamboyant, benevolent and tenacious.
He jokingly suggested that anyone preparing to date a Nigerian man might need a “survival kit” containing items such as an inhaler, anointing oil, a Bible and a blood-pressure monitor.
Ogbankwa noted that Nigerian men can be highly romantic, capable of using dramatic expressions of affection to sweep a woman off her feet. However, he cautioned against the dangers posed by individuals who use romantic promises as part of fraudulent “come and marry” schemes, particularly online scams that leave victims financially and emotionally devastated.
He, however, stressed that such individuals represent only a fraction of Nigerian men, noting that many Nigerian men are hardworking, responsible and committed to providing for their families and partners.
Ogbankwa also highlighted the cultural expectation that Nigerian men should take financial responsibility during dates, arguing that the practice of “going Dutch” is not traditionally associated with many Nigerian relationships.
According to him, some men go beyond ordinary dating expenses to provide what he humorously described as a “monthly salary” and other allowances for their partners, including spending on clothing, hair, birthday celebrations and other lifestyle needs.
He also touched on the culture of wealth and relationships in Nigeria, using humour to suggest that social connections and romantic relationships can sometimes intersect with access to wealth, influence and social status.
On the subject of power and relationships, Ogbankwa referred to the popular Nigerian expression of the “three Bs” — ballot, bottom and bedroom power — while citing the famous observation attributed to Oscar Wilde that “everything in life is about sex; sex is all about power.”
Moving into the subject of intimacy, Ogbankwa used theatrical language and humour to describe the Nigerian man as a charismatic and energetic romantic partner, comparing the progression of a relationship to the structure of a dramatic production, complete with an introduction, complications, rising action and climax.
He also joked about the elaborate stories some men may tell during courtship, including claims of securing major contracts or opportunities, as part of the romantic narrative surrounding relationships.
Beyond the humour, Ogbankwa described the Nigerian man as a character known for charisma, a strong sense of humour, generosity and a desire to take care of his woman.
He nevertheless maintained his playful warning that becoming involved with a Nigerian man could become addictive, likening the experience to something from which a person might need a “survival kit” to emerge intact.
Despite the satire, Ogbankwa concluded on a patriotic note, declaring his pride in being Nigerian and celebrating the country’s identity.
He described Nigeria as a heritage that is “truly special,” reaffirming his pride in the nation’s Green-White-Green colours and ending with the patriotic message: “Nigeria: good people, great nation.”
